Mathical the Musical
by dovaly
Summary: A very random musical. Enjoy!


This fanfic was written by myself and Obsessed-with-random-theories-about-Harry-Potter during a boring Chorus class. I apologizes in advanced, but the two of us can be, er, random and stupid when we're together.

Disclaimer: the characters are J.K. Rowling's (duh!) and i got the last song from Mugglenet

**Mathical the Musical: it's magical, musical math**

Narrator: It is a dark rainy, day at day at Hogwarts. Ron and Harry are bored, so…

_Harry and Ron come running on to the stage toward Hermione, who is already on stage and sitting on a big, fluffy, pink armchair._

Ron: Hermy-

Hermione: Call me that again and I will shove you into a closet with a horny Snape!

_Ron is currently rocking back and forth periodically hitting his head off the wall and screaming, "Get It Out! GET IT OUT !!"_

Harry: Whatev…What's Arithmancy like?

Hermione: Well… (_bursts into song to the tune of "it's cheese") _It's math, it's math, it's mathi- mathi- mathical! It's math, it's math, it's mathi- mathi- mathical! It's mathical and makes me smile. Use it on Malfoy, use it on Snape, hey! Use it on Malfoy, the ugly, ugly Snape!

_Harry and Ron stare at Hermione like she declared she was engaged to Dumbledore, but secretly in love with Snape. (Well, actually…)_

Ron: Hey! I'm the only one here who can act on stupidity impulses!

Hermione: But, didn't you know? We're in a musical, dumbass! You know, we randomly burst into song for no apparent reason. Look! Harry's about to do it know.

Harry: (_sure enough, to the tune of 'I'm a Little Teapot'_) I'm a little queer boy, short and abused. Here is my wand (_winks suggestively_) and my BF's amused. Everyone who sees us is confused. Especially when me and Voldy caroused!

Ron: Yeah, what **were** you doing with You-Know-Whom?

Hermione: Are you that dense! Harry and Voldy are dating!!

Ron: Since when did you call him Voldy?

_Harry and Hermione shrug._

Hermione: I guess since Harry started dating him.

Ron: And did when that occur?

Harry: Wow! You know the word 'occur'?

Ron: Yes, I'm not stupid (_Harry and Hermione exchange looks_) …but I am emo! (_pulls out a knife and slits wrists, the sings, in a pathetically sucky voice, to the tune of the chorus of 'Leto')_ I'm emo! Whoa-o-o-o-oa!

Hermione: You suck! Stop! Now!

_Ron starts crying, and Harry throws a shoe at him. Then Dumbledore appears wearing orange robes with an evil pink bunny print._

Dumbledore: (_sings to the tune of 'Lundi, Mardi'-wait, no one will recognize that title. Stupid French teacher (kidding, Ms. Santoro. Ha ha! Umm...) who taught us an insufferable song that will _never_ get out of my head. Okay, enough rambling. To the tune of 'The Flinstones' theme song_)Evil! I'm so evil! I've killed people in their sleep. I seem like a grandpa and my reputation I will keep. One day, you'll find out my awful truth. That I've manipulated you. 'Cuase I'm a cruel sadist, and I'm evil, and I'm evil, and I'm e-e-evil!

Harry: Yo, dude. You just told me your plan, creep.

Dumbledore: Damn it! No matter… (_Dumbledore grabs Harry's wrists and throws him in a cell with…dun, dun, dun, dun! Uncle Vernon!_) You're going dark. There's only one way to fix that: Destroy your moral! BHWAHAHAHA!!

_Harry starts whimpering as Vernon advances. Vernon then begins (not shown) to rape and beat Harry. Voldemort bursts through the cell door._

Voldemort: Avada Kedavra!

_Green light shoots toward Vernon, and he dies. Harry immediately jumps into Voldemort's arms._

Harry: My savior! I knew I picked the right queer to date.

_Ron and Hermione burst in._

Harry, Voldy, Ron, and Hermy: (_to the tune of 'Hakuna Matata'_) Avada Kedavra. What a horrible phrase. Avada Kedavra.You'll see a big green blaze. Before you realize. That's the end of your days. It's Voldy's moral-free Malignity  
Avada Kedavra

Ron: Yeah, take Harry for example. (sings)Before he was at Hogwarts

Harry: (opera style) Before I was at Hogwarts!

Ron: (digging in ear with pained expression on face)Lovely, Harry

Harry: (spoken) Thank you.

Ron: His parents were nice, young Lily and James  
A great witch and wizard with a well-known name

Harry: Then Voldemort came- Through our door he burst  
And he killed them, with that one atrocious curse  
And oh!- the pain!

(Ron: Yes, he was in pain)

Harry: Thought of changing my name!

(Ron: Oh, what's in a name?)

Harry: 'Till I went to Hogwarts

(Ron: Where did you go?)

Harry: It's located in-

Ron: (covering Harry's mouth) Harry! Not in front of the muggles!

Avada Kedavra. What a horrible phrase. Avada Kedavra.You'll see a big green blaze. Before you realize. That's the end of your days. It's Voldy's moral-free Malignity  
Avada Kedavra

The End

Thanks for reading! I hope you review!!


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